Hmm..

You know how much I dig your stuff..

.. so I'm going to challenge here.

It's that word - "scattered". It's .. a shade obtuse.


Mayhap - frenzied or... frantic, wild, rabid, furious, tremelous, slithering, etc.. --- almost any of those.
But not
scattered.

Or is that the action you intended ? It's not really an verb though, when used like this - it's more of an adjective.

Those are my thoughts. Please take lightly and feel free to discard in place of more relevant and tasteful things...



Tivius

small and perfectly formed
I thought 'scattered' fitted right in, flowed really well, but what do I know.
The only word that jarred for me was 'ceaselessly', the number of syllables slow the pace down a bit.
Anyway, my two pennies, love the piece as per usual

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~TwistedNerveAsylum
~Your Friendly Neighbourhood Wytch

IV

think about the word, say it out loud, it sounds like the squeeking rattle of a train, thats why its there

thanks for the comment

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it can be used as a verb, but thanks for the comment

anything else? i need as much help as i can get because i'm putting it into my creative folder

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Hrm, interesting, you seem to be trying to catch the essence of things.

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Negative Hero.

Nothing else to add. Your work is simply excellent. It will only get better.
No worries - move on, lad.

The simplicity of this poem is appealing, both in the words and the briefness of the actual number of words...damn...incoherent.

The only suggestions i have is this: maybe work wth the visual structure of the poem, play around with the spacing of the words and lines...i think it would make it uneccesary to expand the actual poem in any way, perhaps if you could think of how Central Station looked to you and somehow communicate it in the way you arrange the lines/words?

You can blame my teacher for that suggestion - i took a poetry course last semester and she kept asking me to make my poems "visually interesting" as well as lyrically

I really enjoyed this fragment of impression...ah hah! I would call this poem impressionistic Hehe...you managed to just capture a fleeting moment in your impression of the station...

I'm such a nerd

-jess

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lol

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thank you again, as in the other peom i have already done as you suggest

happy x-mas and a merry new year

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